Love Is All Around
by tvandmusicfan
Summary: This is the 13th story in my series. To get ready for their wedding, House and Cuddy go to marriage counseling. They learn more about each other and learn about some other couples. Please read and review.
1. Unbelievable

_I am an alien._

**Unbelievable**

March 22nd

7:00am

House opened his eyes and noticed that Cuddy was not in bed. For the past five weeks, she had been getting up early to feed Jordan and to get her yoga in. House was amazed that she was already getting close to being back at her normal weight. House had loved the last few weeks of staying home with her. He was happy that for once, Cuddy was more focused on herself than work.

House groaned when he remembered what day it was. A week after Cuddy's parents had left, his parents came to meet Jordan. During this trip, House's mom had come up with the bright idea of House and Cuddy going to couples counseling before they got married. He was happy when, at first, Cuddy seemed to not really be interested in the idea. She didn't really want to go to a retreat when she could be home with Jordan. House thought the subject was closed until Cuddy read in Cosmo that counseling before marriage could make it a better relationship. House wanted to look through the magazine and find the address to the editor and kill her, but luckily for the editor, Cuddy didn't mention it again.

A few days later, House cussed to himself when Cuddy mentioned that she told her mother about the idea and she thought they should do it. House could tell that Cuddy was starting to really get into the idea. He quickly mentioned that they would have to be away from Jordan for a few days, which quickly changed Cuddy's mind.

House's next murder plot had been for Wilson. Cuddy had mentioned it to him and he said how he saw a segment on Oprah about it. House could not believe that Wilson brought Oprah into the mix. House knew that if Oprah thought it was a good idea, every woman in America would think it was a good idea. He punched Wilson is the chest as soon as Cuddy left. House was happy when Cuddy did not mention it that night. House then started to wonder if Cuddy was an alien because she didn't agree with Oprah.

Finally, the next day, House realized he was totally screwed. His mother called and told Cuddy about a therapy retreat that was close to them and let the couples bring their kids. Cuddy then told House she thought they should go. House wanted to tell her no, but Cuddy gave him that look of, 'if you love me, you will go.'" House decided to suck it up and take it like a man.

Today was the day that they were to head to the ranch. House hoped that they could somehow get a freak snowstorm in March. House's thoughts were interrupted when his phone went off.

"Please be a case," House said as he picked up his phone. "Crap." House noticed that it was his mother. "Hello?" House reluctantly answered.

"Hey, baby," Blythe said. "Did you just wake up?"

"It is 7:00 in the morning," House said. "Of course, I just woke up."

"You need to get prepared for your trip," Blythe said.

"We packed last night," House said. "All I need to do now is get my ass in the car."

"Watch your mouth," Blythe said. "You excited?"

"Yes," House said. "I love when people tell me how much I suck."

"That is not what she is going to do," Blythe said. "She is going to realize how great you are."

"I am sure that is how it is going to go mom," House said.

"Just remember that Lisa thinks this is important," Blythe said.

"I know mom," House said. "I am taking it seriously."

"You two drive safely, okay?" Blythe said.

"We will," House said.

"Tell Lisa I love her," Blythe said. "Give Jordan a kiss for me, too."

"I will," House said.

"Love you, baby," Blythe said.

"Love you too, mom," House said. After he hung up the phone, House laid on the bed and looked at the ceiling. "Why do women hate men so much?"

"Because they think they are superior, when everyone knows that women really are," Cuddy said as she walked into the bedroom. "What is the woman hating mood?"

"I don't know what you are talking about," House said with an innocent on his face. "I am totally looking forward to the next few days."

"See?" Cuddy said. "Perfect example. If you were a woman, you would know how important the next few days are."

"If I was a woman, I would be playing with myself," House said.

"You do that as a man," Cuddy said.

"Either way, I guess I would have it made," House said. Cuddy leaned down on the bed and kissed House's lips.

"If you were a woman, you wouldn't get my kisses," Cuddy said.

"I think you would go lesbian for me," House said.

"If I were a lesbian, I wouldn't go for the woman with the beard," Cuddy said. "My girlfriend would be sexy."

"You are making me horny," House said.

"Oh, brother," Cuddy said. "Get up and take a shower."

"Take a shower?" House asked. "I am just getting up to spend time in a car for a couple of hours."

"I want you to smell nice for these people," Cuddy said.

"They are going to be smelling me?" House asked. "What kind of place is this?"

"I don't want them to think that we are dirty people," Cuddy said. "This counselor is going to be judging everything about us. I don't want the first thing she thinks is that, 'oh, he smells.'"

"Maybe you should tell her we are not supposed to judge people," House said. "Judgmental bastards."

"This is going to help us, House," Cuddy said.

"I don't think there is anything wrong with our relationship," House said. "We don't need help."

"If that is true, then we are going to have a carefree experience here," Cuddy said. "Now get the fuck out of bed." House gave Cuddy a shocked look and she started to laugh.

"You are kind of scary," House said. "That is making me horny, too."

"Make it a cold shower," Cuddy said with a laugh. "I am ready when ever you are." House rolled out of bed and started to strip. "Nice," Cuddy said with a smile as she watched.

"Like what you see?" House asked.

"Yes," Cuddy said. "You are putting your clothes on the bed and not on the floor."

"Shut up," House said as he threw his boxers at Cuddy. Cuddy whistled as House walked into the bathroom naked.

House turned the water on to take a quick shower.

"Wash everywhere," Cuddy said as she peeked her head into the bathroom.

"If everywhere means my penis, then yes I will," House said.

"I had a feeling that was going to be washed," Cuddy said.

"I haven't had sex in weeks!" House said. "I need my shower time."

"Stop acting like I deprived you," Cuddy said. "You have gotten plenty of attention."

"I know I have," House said. "I am just waiting until I can fuck you senseless again."

"I second that," Cuddy said. "It has been five weeks. We are getting close to that moment."

"With this conversation, I am getting close to something," House said with a smirk.

"Don't wear yourself out," Cuddy said. "We have a long day ahead of us."

"Do you think this place has sex therapy?" House asked.

"You think we need helped with sex?" Cuddy asked.

"No," House said. "I hope they promote us having tons and tons of sex there."

"The next few days is going to be long if they say sex is not allowed," Cuddy said as she went to go get everything in the car.


	2. Expressway To Your Heart

**Expressway To Your Heart**

8:15am

House was driving to the ranch as Cuddy flipped through the radio station. Cuddy stopped on Twist And Shout by The Isley Brothers and started moving along with the music.

"I see this is a side-effect from Sweating With The Oldies," House said. "You can't even listen to oldies without dancing."

"It keeps my body moving," Cuddy said. "It is helping me lose weight."

"I know something that will help you lose weight," House said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Using my eyebrow muscles?" Cuddy asked with a smile.

"Ha ha," House said. "Actually, during sex, your eyebrows are sexy."

"You think everything is sexy during sex," Cuddy said.

"Not everything," House said. "Just everything on your body."

"That was actually kind of sweet," Cuddy said. "In a perverted way."

"Pervert is my middle name," House said.

"I am glad we did not give Jordan your middle name, then," Cuddy said. "My son is not going to be a pervert."

"All men are some sort of pervs," House said. "We just don't want him to be the kind that ends up on the news."

"He is going to be an angel, I can tell," Cuddy said.

"Really?" House asked. "I think your angel just crapped his pants. Either that or you just ripped one."

"Real mature," Cuddy said. "Anyway, we all know that whoever smelt it, dealt it." House laughed. "Now, pull over," Cuddy said. "I need to change his diaper."

"We are only about 20 minutes from the ranch," House said.

"I don't want him to get diaper rash," Cuddy said.

"Fine," House said. "Don't tell anyone that my son has sensitive skin."

"I don't think anyone would believe that a House is sensitive in any way," Cuddy said. House pulled the car over.

"People know that there is some pansy Cuddy in him," House said with a smile.

"I am not a pansy," Cuddy said, twisting House's nipple.

"Ow!" House said.

"Don't be a pansy," Cuddy said as she got out of the front seat and climbed into the backseat.

"I am going to twist your nipple off later," House said.

"You want our son to starve?" Cuddy asked as she started to change Jordan's diaper.

"I will leave the other nipple on," House said. "I want one to play with, too." House watched Cuddy and Jordan. "Sick," House said. "What the hell is in your breast milk? That smells rancid."

"Leave my baby alone," Cuddy said.

"You know, if I had said that, you would be waving your finger and saying, 'rephrase,'" House said.

"Our baby," Cuddy said. Cuddy had insisted that House never call it his baby or her baby. It was their baby together. House said that Cuddy better keep that frame of mind as Jordan got older. He did not want to hear about how 'his son' screwed up.

"I need to stretch my leg," House said as he got out of the car and walked around a little. Cuddy watched House carefully. For the last year, his leg had not been really bad. She knew that at anytime, that could change. She had learned to pick up the signs when his leg started to hurt. He would rub his leg more and have to take walks. She hadn't seen him rubbing it, but she knew that she had not been paying that close of attention. She could tell that he was not limping. That was a really good sign. Cuddy fastened Jordan back into his safety belt. House came back to the car and got in. Cuddy got back into the front seat.

"You want me to drive?" Cuddy asked.

"No, I am fine," House said.

"You sure, baby?" Cuddy asked, scratching the back of House's head.

"My leg is starting to hurt a little, but not that much," House said. "We will be there in 20 minutes."

"I don't want you making it worse," Cuddy said.

"It won't make it worse," House said. "It needs to be stretched a little. Just sitting in the passengers seat is not going to help it."

"Do you need to walk around some more?" Cuddy asked.

"No," House said. "I just want to get there."

"Just tell me if you need anything," Cuddy said. "We need to stop it before the pain gets too bad."

"As long as they do not make me run a marathon the minute we get there, I will be fine," House said.

"If we do have to run a marathon, I will strap you on my back," Cuddy said with a smile.

"That would be unpleasant for both of us," House said.

"You would have to carry my fat ass and I would have to be embarrassed that a woman has to carry me," House said.

"And what is wrong with having to have a woman carry you?" Cuddy said.

"I am a man," House said. "Men don't have their girlfriends carry them."

"Rephrase," Cuddy said. House sighed.

"Fiancée," House said.

"Much better," Cuddy said. House started the car back up.

"You're weird," House said. He pulled back onto the road. Cuddy started dancing to Bristol Stomp by The Dovells. She started to laugh when she saw House roll his eyes.

"I will be like you," Cuddy said. Cuddy started playing air drums on the dashboard.

"Now that is a good exercise," House said. "You have no rhythm, though."

"I am sorry I have not mastered air instruments," Cuddy said. "I didn't take that class in college."

"That would be an excellent class," House said. "I always wanted to know how to play air saxophone." Cuddy laughed.

"Why?" Cuddy asked.

"You don't know how many songs have a saxophone in it until you try to form an air band," House said. "Never let Wilson in an air band. He sucks. He can't even play air tambourine."

"Yeah," Cuddy said. "I am the weird one."

"It's okay," House said. "I still love you."

"Lucky me," Cuddy said. She leaned over and gave House a kiss on the cheek.

"I wish the counselor had been here for this conversation," House said. "She would think we were insane."

"Actually, I am recording this conversation," Cuddy said. "I was going to let her listen to it when we got there."

"Well, in that case, I have something to say," House said. "I am the best lover in the world."

"According to you," Cuddy said with a smirk.

"Don't make me pull out one of our sex tapes," House said.

"If you ever did record us having sex, I at least hope you do not carry it around with you," Cuddy said.

"Oh, if I did, it would definitely come out during this therapy session," House said.


	3. That's How Elementary It's Going To Be

_Review please!_

**That's How Elementary It's Going To Be**

8:40am

House pulled into the parking lot of the ranch.

"We made great time," House said. "It helped that there was no traffic because no one else wanted to go here."

"I thought the less people, the happier you would be," Cuddy said.

"That is true," House said. "I hate people." House and Cuddy saw the counselor waving from the front steps.

"Try not to tell her that you hate people," Cuddy said.

"I make no promises," House said. Cuddy got out of the car to get Jordan out. House took a deep breath and then got out of the car. The counselor came walking towards them.

"Welcome," she said. "My name is Kayla Kelly. Feel free to call me Kayla. You must be Greg and Lisa. I am so happy you brought your bundle of joy. The sweetness and innocence of children can really bring out the best in adults." House rolled his eyes. He could tell that this was going to be a long trip.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Cuddy said.

"Let's get you two inside and settled in," Kayla said. "Then I will show you around the house." Kayla helped House carry the bags in. She lead them to their bedroom. "Here is where you will be sleeping," Kayla said. "If you need anything, feel free to ask."

"It's lovely," Cuddy said. House looked at the flower wallpaper.

"That is what I was thinking," House said.

"I like to make sure it feels nice and like home for the couples," Kayla said. "I want everyone to feel comfortable. This place is all about being able to be yourself. There is no judging here."

"I am going to hold you to that," House said. Kayla let out a big laugh.

"I lot of people think this is a place to find out who is to blame for problems in a relationship, but that is not the case," Kayla said. "This is a place that helps teach both of you how to be in a relationship. The first thing to remember is that this place is a truth zone. No lies are allowed."

"Everyone lies," House said.

"Well, they shouldn't lie if they actually want to help their relationship," Kayla said. "Lies put gaps in relationships. Have you been married before?"

"No," House said.

"How about you, Lisa?" Kayla asked Cuddy.

"Nope," Cuddy said.

"Well, there is a reason you two are deciding to take this journey together," Kayla said. "I think you two are both old enough to know how lies can hurt things."

"I think she just called us old, Cuddy," House said. Kayla laughed.

"I am not exactly a spring chicken," Kayla said. "So Greg, what made you want to get married after all of these years?"

"With all the other women I was with before, I felt I was missing something," House said, trying to sound serious. The first time I kissed Lisa, I knew she was the one."

"Oh, brother," Cuddy said.

"Now Lisa," Kayla said. "Remember not to judge. When he tells the truth about something, don't embarrass him. It will make him be afraid to open up."

"He is not telling the truth," Cuddy said. "He's lying."

"I mean it, Lisa," House said with a smile.

"You may just not be used to him being so honest with his feelings," Kayla said. "A lot of guys try to hide those feelings."

"You should be happy I am opening up," House said with a smirk.

"Drop dead," Cuddy said with a laugh.

"Lisa!" Kayla said. "No negativity here."

"I think she was telling the truth," House said. "She wants me to drop dead."

"I am sure that is not true," Kayla said. "We will just need to teach Lisa how to express her emotions better. Come. Let's take a look around the house."

"Someone is in trouble with teacher," House whispered to Cuddy. She gave him the evil eye.

"You are going to pay," Cuddy whispered back. House and Cuddy followed Kayla.

"This is the library," Kayla said. "This is a great place where the two of you can sit together and cuddle and read a nice book."

"I can totally see us doing that sometime during this trip," House said. "I love cuddling."

"Cuddling is a nice way to bond with your spouse," Kayla said. "I will teach here that sex is not everything." Cuddy smiled at House.

"That is not a lesson I wanted to learn," House said. Kayla laughed.

"Sex is important, but it cannot be the basis for the relationship," Kayla said.

"I totally agree," Cuddy said.

"She's lying again," House said.

"You can't prove it," Cuddy said.

"You two are going to be a challenge," Kayla said. "I think miscommunication might be the problem."

"You mean because I am a smart ass?" House asked.

"I think you two tell jokes to mask true feelings," Kayla said. "We will break through to those real feelings. Let's keep moving." House and Cuddy continued to follow Kayla. She showed them the different places around the house. She finally introduced them to the nanny that would be watching Jordan when House and Cuddy were in sessions.

"This really is a nice place," Cuddy said.

"Home is better," House said.

"Home is not a physical house, Greg," Kayla said. "Home is where your family is."

"Well, since I am a House, home is wherever I am," House said with a smile.

"Remember that Lisa is going to be a House soon," Kayla said. "You need to consider you and her as one. It is no longer just Gregory House. It is Gregory and Lisa House. Our first session is going to be in about 30 minutes in the library. I need to go make sure all the other couples are ready." Kayla left the room.

"She sure knows how to freak a guy out," House said.

"What do you mean?" Cuddy asked.

"A guy likes his independence," House said. "She might as well said that I will never be free ever again."

"You want to be free?" Cuddy asked.

"I want to be with you," House said.

"That is not what I asked," Cuddy said.

"I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I didn't mean it," House said. "I just don't want to feel trapped."

"You won't be," Cuddy said. "I will make sure you will have some freedom."

"Some?" House asked.

"I'll let you have lunches with Wilson," Cuddy said with a smile.


	4. Fake Plastic Earth

**Fake Plastic Earth**

After Kayla got everything ready, she called all the couples in. Everyone looked each other over as they sat down.

"Welcome, everyone," Kayla said in an enthusiastic tone. "Look around at the couples in the room. We are all about to go on a journey together."

"Does that mean LSD?" House whispered to Cuddy. Cuddy smiled and shook her head.

"Let's get to know one another," Kayla said. "Let's go around in a circle and say why we are here. Also, you can give a little background of your relationship together." Kayla pointed at the first couple to get them started off.

"My name is Nicholas Landon," he started. "It is Nicholas. Do not call me Nick. I'm 25. My wife and I have been married for 4 months. We are here to make sure we stay on the right path in our married life. We are devoted Christians. Marriage is very important to us. This experience, we are taking it very seriously."

"I'm Olivia Landon," Olivia said. "I love saying that. I am so proud to be a Landon. I'm 22. I started dating Nicholas when I was a freshmen in college. He was the star baseball player. I was so shocked that he even wanted to talk to me. I am so happy to be married to him. After I graduate from college, we plan on moving to California and are going to try to be actors."

"I give it two years," House whispered to Cuddy.

"Shhh," Cuddy whispered back. They moved onto the next couple.

"My name is Preston O'Brien," Preston said. "Angela and I have been dating for 5 years. We are here to decide whether or not we should get married."

"That is not entirely true," Angela said. "My name is Angela Parker. The real reason we are here is because Preston can't keep it in his pants. I want to know whether or not he is even worth marrying. He keeps saying that he will change, but he never does."

"She scares me," House whispered to Cuddy. "Ice queen." Everyone was happy when they moved on to the next couple. Angela had made it a little uncomfortable in the room.

"My name is Chris Butler," Chris said. "Don't call me Christopher." Chris shot Nicholas a smirk.

"So funny," Nicholas said.

"I couldn't resist," Chris said. "Anyway, I have been married to the old ball and chain for 20 years. We are here because the court is making us."

"What is that supposed to mean?" House asked.

"Too many domestic disturbance called to our house," Chris said. "They are going to issue a restraining order between us if we do not get counseling."

"Remember, we are not here to judge others," Kayla said.

"We are not as bad as it seems," Danielle said. "My name is Danielle Butler. The problem with me and Chris is that we yell too loud. The neighbors are the one calling the cops. It is none of their business."

"Sometimes Danielle yells so loud, I think Canada is the one calling the cops," Chris said.

"I think the goal for you two here is to not yell," Kayla said. "Remember. Inside voices."

"Someone else's inside voices," House said. "I think their inside voices might be louder than the rest."

"Greg, you seem like you are ready to speak," Kayla said. "Tell us a little about you two."

"My name is Greg House," House said. "I am a stud doctor. I am engaged to this sexy ass doctor next to me. We are here because my mommy is making us." Everyone started to laugh. "I'm being serious," House said. "When my mother wants something, it happens."

"Why did your mom want you and Lisa to come here?" Kayla asked.

"For some reason, I think she thinks I might have commitment issues or something like that," House said.

"Why would she think that?" Kayla asked.

"Because I have commitment issues," House said. "Also, I suck at relating to people. It is like she worries I will not be good husband material."

"I am sure you will be great," Kayla said.

"My name is Lisa Cuddy," Cuddy said. "I just believe that Greg is too hard on himself. We have a five week old boy together. Greg has made a great daddy."

"She just says that because I am willing to change a diaper," House said.

"That is impressive," Danielle said. "Chris and I have three kids together and he has never changed a diaper in his whole life. Lazy ass."

"No name calling," Kayla said. "We are here to work through our issues. We are going to be working on different parts of your relationships. One of the first things we are going to work on is awareness. We need to see if you all know what is wrong in your relationship. We also want to see if you know what is right. The next thing we are going to deal with is perception. We are going to find out how you each perceive your partner."

"What if we do not want to know?" House asked.

"You need to know," Kayla said. "We are also going to work on you all being a until as a couple, but not isolating yourself from the rest of the world. A lot of couples, when they first get married, cut the rest of the world off."

"That is because who cares about the rest of the world?" House asked.

"You can't make your spouse your life," Kayla said. "If something happens, you will be left all alone. Some couples do the opposite. They get married and then never spend time with their spouse. We don't want that, either. I am going to teach you all how to talk to each other. You will learn to really listen to what the other is saying. A couple is a partnership."

"Like Brennan and Booth?" House asked.

"I don't know who that is," Kayla said.

"Fail," House said. "They are partners on Bones."

"He relates everything to TV shows," Cuddy said. "It can get annoying."

"Does it ever cause conflicts?" Kayla asked.

"No," Cuddy said. "It can be annoying, but it is not worth fighting over."

"Some couples start fighting over the little things," Kayla said. "That can cause a huge problem in a relationship. We will work on conflict resolution here. Empathy goes right along with that. People often fight because they do not understand what the other is going through."

"My brain already hurts just thinking about having to learn something," House said, hoping he can still make some fun out of this experience.


	5. All The Small Things

_Still daydreaming over the best Huddy moment ever last night!_

**All The Small Things**

"I think we are ready for our first lesson," Kayla said. "The first thing we are going to focus on is awareness. I want to see how aware you all are on what you love and dislike about your partner. Each of you are going to name the two things that bother you the most about your partner and the two things you love the most about your partner. Knowing the pros and cons of your relationship is important."

"Knowing them might be important, but saying them out loud seems stupid," House said. "Certain death might follow."

"Unless you are worried that Lisa is trying to kill you, I think you will be fine," Kayla said.

"That was going to be my first con," House said.

"Greg, you need to remember that this is the truth zone," Kayla said. "Olivia, why don't you go first?"

"I would say a con for Nicholas would be that he is overly competitive," Olivia said.

"Do you agree with that, Nicholas?" Kayla asked.

"No," Nicholas said. "Olivia doesn't play sports. She doesn't understand."

"This is a good way to start off," Kayla said. "You may not agree with what your partner says. I will give you a chance to respond to what they said. This is not the place to debate who is right and who is wrong. We are just trying to get our opinions out. Continue, Olivia."

"I guess the second con would be I hate when he tells me to toughen up," Olivia said. "He hates that I am scared of bugs."

"It is not that she is scared of spiders or wasps," Nicholas said. "She is scared of every bug. Butterflies make her cry."

"They always fly at my face," Olivia said.

"It is okay, Olivia," Kayla said. "What are some positive things about Nicholas?"

"He is very brave," Olivia said. "I always feel safe with him."

"She is my wife," Nicholas said. "It is my job to protect her."

"He also works so hard to stay healthy," Olivia said. "He helps me to stay motivated and get healthy."

"It is easy to get fat and I do not want that to happen to her," Nicholas said.

"Nicholas, your turn," Kayla said.

"Olivia whines," Nicholas said. "It gets so annoying. She is also a huge crier. She cries when a team loses a baseball game."

"I feel bad for them," Olivia said.

"One of her pros is that she is great around the house," Nicholas said. "Also, I know that she would never cheat on me. I like knowing that I am the one she wants."

"You will always be my love," Olivia said. "No one can change that."

"You guys did a great job," Kayla said. "Angela and Preston, it is your turn."

"Con is that he is a cheating man whore," Angela said right away. "He is also a huge liar. He lies about everything. He especially lies about being a man whore. Pro is that he can fix anything around the house. If it is broken, he can fix it. He is also very strong. He will never back down when someone is trying to start something with him."

"A con for Angela is that she is a cold person," Preston said.

"It is called being serious," Angela said. "I am sorry I do not act stupid like you and your friends."

"That is the other problem with her," Preston said. "She always thinks she is right."

"I am always right," Angela said.

"What is some pros for Angela?" Kayla asked Preston.

"She is a very hard worker," Preston said. "She knows how to get a job done. Second, she doesn't mind getting dirty. I am happy she is not a girlie-girl."

"Chris and Danielle," Kayla said. "You have the floor."

"Chris is super lazy," Danielle said. "I am lucky that he puts clothes on. He is also gross. I have to force him to take showers."

"I don't see the point," Chris said. "You just get dirty again."

"That's gross," Danielle said. "One thing I have always loved about him is that he always goes to our kids functions. He has also always supported his family. He has also taken tons of crappy jobs to keep food on the table."

"My main problem with Danielle is that she is a nagger," Chris said. "She complains about everything. Plus, she complains about me being gross, but the house is a pigsty. She never cleans."

"You know where the vacuum is," Danielle said.

"It is from like, 1978!" Chris said. "It would probably burn the house down."

"Then the pigsty problem would be solved," Danielle said. Chris smiled.

"Her sarcasm is something I love about her," Chris said. "She has a very quick wit. I also love when she goes off one someone. It is so funny and that person usually deserves it."

"That was a pro?" House asked.

"As long as she is not going off on me, it is a prove," Chris said.

"Lisa, Greg," Kayla said. "Your turn."

"My biggest problem with House is that he is a self-destroyer," Cuddy said. "He has a hard time being happy. We have been together for more than a year and I still worry he will do something to self-destruct and ruin it."

"All I can say about that is that I hope I prove her wrong," House said. "I don't want to screw this up. I don't want to lose her. I do have a bad habit of doing things that ruin things."

"The other major con would be that he has a habit of not thinking before he speaks," Cuddy said.

"Shut the hell up," House said with a smirk.

"When I can tell it is a joke, it is fine," Cuddy said. "Sometimes, I can't tell when he is joking. He can say some biting things."

"I don't mean to be hurtful," House said.

"I know," Cuddy said.

"A pro would be that he would do anything for me," Cuddy said. "I know that he would risk his life to save me or go out of his way to try to make me feel better when I am sad. Another thing that I love is his passion for things. He has a lot of passion towards his job. Piano is another passion of his. When he plays it, he seems so relaxed. I like how he treats his family as a passion. He seems so much at peace when he is with me and Jordan. I love the seeing that spark in his eye."

"Cuddy's cons aren't that bad," House said. "She is kind of bossy, but she is a boss, so that is no shocker. I think her biggest problem is that she tries to carry the whole world on her shoulders. She wants to be super woman. She has to realize she can't save everyone and the world is not fair."

"I know that I just need to carry my family on my shoulders," Cuddy said. "I want to at least try to make their world the best."

"The best thing about Cuddy is that she loves me for me," House said. "I know that she wants me to get better. She wants to not have to see me struggle. She wants to see me not make stupid decisions. I know, though, that she will love me whether I get better or not. No so-called 'con' of hers can take that away."

"I am going to puke," Angela said.

"No judging," Kayla said. "You all did a good job. Let's take a 10 minute break." Everyone got up to go stretch. House took Cuddy by the arm and took her out of the room.

"I am not going to give you a quickie," Cuddy said. "Even though, that was a great speech."

"Tell me the truth," House said. "Do I hurt you a lot?"

"No," Cuddy said.

"You just fear that I am going to hurt you," House said.

"I love you, House," Cuddy said. "No matter your so-called 'cons.'" Cuddy smiled at House.

"I knew I should have put a copyright on that speech," House said. Cuddy hugged House.

"Once we get married, it would be mine anyway," Cuddy said with a smile.


	6. Behind Blue Eyes

**Behind Blue Eyes**

After the break, all the couples came back in.

"We are going to do one more thing before I let you all have the rest of the day off," Kayla said. "We are going to do an activity about perception. Each of you are going to act out your significant other at work. You are going to pretend you are them. Just how they would act day to day."

"Do you have any water balloons?" House asked.

"Water balloons?" Kayla asked. "I thought Lisa was a doctor."

"She is," House said. "I need the water balloons to pretend I have her huge boobs."

"Shut up," Cuddy said.

"I think you will do just fine without that," Kayla said.

"Nicholas, you are first," Kayla said. Nicholas got up to pretend he was Olivia. Nicholas put a big smile on his face.

"Hi, everyone," Nicholas said in a cheery voice. "Welcome. Let's all be friends. Isn't the sky beautiful? I love the smell of flowers."

"Are you a kindergarten teacher?" House asked Olivia.

"She is a greeter at Wal-Mart," Nicholas said.

"And greeters are supposed to be nice and friendly," Olivia said.

"You try to have a deep conversation with everyone," Nicholas said. "They just want to go in and get shampoo without being bothered."

"I agree," Danielle said. "I hate greeters. I don't give a crap about their lives."

"I will be Nicholas now," Olivia said. Olivia stood up. "Time is money. Sell, sell, sell. This is not a time to converse."

"I am a salesperson at a sporting goods store," Nicholas said. "If I stood around talking to all the customers about life, I would never sell anything and I would get fired."

"Can you get me a discount?" Preston asked Nicholas.

"I will give you my card," Nicholas said.

"You two did a good job," Kayla said. "Preston and Angela. Your turn." Preston stood up to be Angela. He made a very serious face.

"Welcome to Mass Marketing," Preston said in a monotone voice. "I will show you to the conference room. Would you like coffee?"

"I do not act like that," Angela said.

"Yes, you do," Preston said. "It is like they have a robot for an office manager."

"Let's be nice about this," Kayla said.

"Fine, I will be Preston now," Angela said standing up. She puffed out her chest and starting strutting.

"I am the king of the gym," Angela said. "I am the best physical trainer the whole world has ever had. When I talk to people, I have to flex my muscles."

"I worked hard for this body," Preston said. "I am trying to show my clients that they have to work hard, too."

"Is that why you sleep with other women?" Angela asked. "To show off your body."

"Let's stay on task," Kayla said. "Thank you, you two." Chris stood up to do Danielle.

"What the hell do you want to eat?" Chris asked. "Order faster! I don't have all day to watch you decide what kind of French fries you want."

"It is not my fault that my customers are stupid," Danielle said. "They all act like they have never ordered food before." Danielle stood up to do Chris. Danielle pretended to scratch herself and burped really loud.

"Are you pretending to be him or are you just trying to gross me out?" House asked.

"That is him," Danielle said. "He is a construction worker so he has to show that he is a man. I hate visiting him at work. He always has to make some "woman" comment."

"When you have a bunch of guys working together, we don't like when the women invade," Chris said.

"Comments like that," Danielle said.

"Greg, why don't you do Lisa?" Kayla said.

"We don't like having sex in public," House said with a smirk.

"You know what I meant," Kayla said. House stood up. He put a big smile on his face.

"Welcome to my wonderful hospital," House said in a nice voice. "I thank you all for donating and making it so they we can save people. Can you excuse me one second?" He then put a mean look on his face and started talking in a devil voice. "House, get the hell back to work. I don't pay you to sleep all day." Cuddy started laughing.

"I have to pretend like I am House now," Cuddy said. "Then you will all understand why he thinks I turn into the devil around him."

"The floor is yours," House said, sitting back down. Instead of getting up, Cuddy stayed sitting in her chair. She then pretended to be sleeping.

"Wrong," House said. "I put my feet up when I sleep at work."

"Wait," Cuddy said all of a sudden as she opened her eyes and sat up straight in her seat. "I think Wilson has food." She got up and pretended to run to the door.

"Who's Wilson?" Kayla asked.

"He is my best friend," House said.

"He has some sixth sense for whenever Wilson eats," Cuddy said. "They only time I see him awake at the hospital is when he tries to steal his food."

"That is not true," House said. "She also sees me awake when I try to have sex with her in her office."

"Do you guys do it in her office?" Preston asked.

"Shut up, Preston," Angela said.

"All the time," House said.

"Shut up," Cuddy said.

"We are getting off topic again," Kayla said.

"But I like this topic," House said.

"Then you and Lisa can discuss it amongst yourself," Kayla said. "Something are to remain private."

"That is no fun," House said.

"Now, the rest of the day, you all get some free time," Kayla said. "Feel free to wander around the property. We leave tomorrow morning for a hiking trip."

"I don't hike," House said.

"It is not a hard hike," Kayla said. "It won't hurt your leg."

"Stop complaining," Cuddy said. "It will be fun."

"Fun," House said. "Not exactly the word that came to my mind."

"It will be fun," Kayla said. "Make sure to wear comfortable shoes. You are all dismissed.


	7. Can't Get Enough Of You Baby

**Can't Get Enough Of You Baby**

11:00pm

After spending the day around the ranch, Cuddy convinced House to go on a stroll with her. Cuddy put Jordan in his stroller and they headed out.

"It is such a nice night," Cuddy said.

"It's dark," House said.

"Scared?" Cuddy asked with a smirk.

"No," House said. "You say it is a nice night, but there could be bears waiting in the darkness for us."

"Well, at least I can run fast," Cuddy said.

"You think you are so funny," House said.

"Actually, I know I am," Cuddy said.

"Well, I am feeding you to the bears if we see any," House said. "Don't worry. I will save Jordan."

"What a good father," Cuddy said. "The good husband part might have gone out the window."

"I will always protect you," House said. House wrapped his arms around Cuddy's waist and pulled her back against his chest. They kept walking down the path together. House started kissing Cuddy's neck.

"Getting excited?" Cuddy asked.

"Yes," House said. "The smell of you always turns me on. Touching you is helping, too." Cuddy stopped walking.

"You are going to get yourself too worked up," Cuddy said.

"So?" House said. "We are far enough away from the house that no one can see us."

"I am not having sex with you out here," Cuddy said. "If you wanted that, you shouldn't have started out saying there could be bears out here."

"I was just joking," House said. House started rubbing himself against Cuddy.

"Your little friend is going to come out and he is going to be disappointed," Cuddy said.

"He isn't little," House said.

"Fine," Cuddy said. "Your huge friend is going to be disappointed."

"He just wants a little Cuddy attention," House said. "Can you blame him?"

"No, I can't," Cuddy said.

"So modest," House said. "That is what I love about you."

"I know," Cuddy said. "You want to take a rest here?"

"Does rest mean sex?" House asked.

"No," Cuddy said. "It means sitting down and talking."

"That doesn't sound sexy," House said.

"Sorry, baby," Cuddy said. Cuddy checked on a sleeping Jordan and then sat down in the grass, looking up at the stars. House sat down next to her.

"Take your shirt off," House said.

"Why?" Cuddy asked with a laugh.

"What if Jordan gets hungry?" House asked. "Don't you want to be prepared?"

"I don't have to take my shirt all the way off to feed him," Cuddy said. "Are you sure you are not the one that is hungry?"

"Will that make you take your shirt off faster?" House asked.

"No," Cuddy said. House started to tickle Cuddy's sides. Cuddy started to laugh.

"Take your shirt off and I will stop tickling you," House said. Cuddy tried to move away from House. House rolled on top of Cuddy and pinned her to the ground.

"Get off me," Cuddy said with a smile.

"Your lips say that, but your eyes say 'do me," House said.

"My eyes must think with your penis," Cuddy said. House laughed.

"I knew I always liked your eyes," House said. House pinned Cuddy's arms to the ground. He started to devour her neck.

"You really are horny tonight," Cuddy said, breathing harder.

"This moonlight makes you really sex," House said. "Of course, any light makes you sexy." House lifted up Cuddy's shirt a little and started kissing her belly. Cuddy looked down at him and smiled. House slowly licked her belly.

"I really love your tongue," Cuddy said.

"Someone getting excited?" House asked with a smirk.

"Kind of hard not to when you are licking me," Cuddy said. House started kissing up Cuddy's belly. "We can't do this out here, House."

"There are no bears," House said.

"What if another couple comes walking by?" Cuddy asked.

"Then they get a free show," House said. "I am pretty sure most of them need sex lessons."

"I don't want to be the one giving them the lesson," Cuddy said.

"I am sure they will be watching me," House said. "They are going to want to know what I am going to make you scream my name so much."

"Who is being modest now?" Cuddy asked.

"I am just stating facts," House said. "You can't live without my loving."

"I think you are confused," Cuddy said. "I am actually screaming, 'House, hurry up.'"

"Liar," House said.

"Harder and faster is not 'hurry up,'" House said.

"You sure?" Cuddy asked. "I am telling you to go faster to get off me."

"That's not funny," House said. Jordan started to cry.

"Someone wants me," Cuddy said.

"I do," House said.

"Sorry," Cuddy said. "Children before men. Get off me." House rolled off her.

"I knew I hated talking," House said. "We could have had sex in that amount of time we were talking."

"5 minutes?" Cuddy said.

"It would have been a quickie," House said.

"I don't like quickies if I could have all of you," Cuddy said. Cuddy rocked Jordan. "We still have a week to go before we have sex."

"I know," House said. "I'm just horny." Cuddy laughed.

"If you are a good boy, I will give you some action tomorrow," Cuddy said.

"Sex action?" House asked.

"How good of a boy do you think you can be?" Cuddy asked.

"I will act so good, you will think you are engaged to Wilson," House said.

"But then, I wouldn't want the sex," Cuddy said.

"You know what I mean," House said.

"I think we can make a deal," Cuddy said. "Hold Jordan." Cuddy handed Jordan to House.

"Told you that you should have had your shirt ready," House said. House rocked Jordan. "Your mommy needs to learn to always listen to me."


	8. The Dangerous Type

_Sorry about the wait. Had a semi-crappy week._

**The Dangerous Type**

7:00am

House groaned as the alarm clock blared. Cuddy turned it off.

"Let's stay in bed today," House said.

"We can't," Cuddy said. "We have to go on your hike."

"But I don't want to," House said.

"Too bad," Cuddy said. Cuddy tried to get out of bed, but House pulled her back against him.

"As the man of the house, I say we stay in bed," House said.

"But this isn't our house," Cuddy said with a smirk. "Plus, we all know that I am the one that controls everything."

"I just let you think that," House said.

"Oh, really?" Cuddy asked.

"Yes," House said. "It is my master plan."

"Was it part of your master plan last night to have me turn you down with your sex idea?" Cuddy asked.

"Yes," House said. "I wanted you to think that you controlled that area of our relationship. I didn't really want it."

"That proves you are lying," Cuddy said. "You always want it."

"Maybe I just make you think that," House said.

"You want to have sex right now?" Cuddy asked.

"Well, if you are offering," House said. House started to stick his hand under Cuddy's shirt. Cuddy slapped House's hand.

"Ain't happening," Cuddy said. "I just wanted to prove that you are always horny."

"That proves nothing," House said. "That just proves I am horny right now."

"You act like you always turn me down for sex or I have to force you," Cuddy said.

"It might be hot if you did force me," House said. Cuddy laughed.

"You are such a pervert," Cuddy said. "I am going to go take a shower." House let Cuddy go and she climbed out of bed. "Will you get Jordan ready?" Cuddy asked.

"Sure," House said.

"Way to prove that you are the man of the house," Cuddy said with a smirk as she went into the bathroom. House waited until Cuddy started her shower before he climbed out of bed. He went and opened up the bathroom door.

"Oops," House said. "Someone accidentally turned the lights off on you." House flipped the the bathroom lights off.

"Turn them back on," Cuddy said.

"Sorry," House said. "I have to get Jordan ready." House left the bathroom door open and sat down on the bed. Cuddy peered out of the shower and saw House sitting on the bed starting at her.

"I don't see you getting Jordan ready," Cuddy said.

"He looked so peaceful," House said. "I wanted to give him a few more minutes to sleep." Cuddy opened up the shower curtain. She slowly stepped out, not wrapping a towel around her. House looked up and down her body.

"Was this your plan all along?" Cuddy asked, turning on the bathroom lights. She stood there naked, with her hands on her hips.

"Yes, it was," House said. "Let me say that you are damn sexy."

"I know," Cuddy said with a smirk. She then closed the bathroom door. House smiled and then got up to wake Jordan up. House got him up to get his diaper changed. Jordan stayed asleep the whole time. House was happy that Jordan had never turned into much of a crier. Jordan finally woke up when House tried to dress him again.

"Don't get fussy on me," House said. "Your mommy will be here to feed you soon." House picked Jordan up and rocked him a little to keep him from crying. He went and looked out the window. He saw where they would be hiking that day and groaned. He knew he would have to bring extra Vicodin, just in case. House was standing there lost in thought when Cuddy came out of the bathroom. She walked up behind him and kissed him on the back.

"Enjoying the view?" Cuddy asked.

"I liked the view of your naked body better," House said. House handed Jordan to Cuddy.

"Morning, baby," Cuddy said, giving Jordan a kiss on the cheek. House pointed to his cheek. Cuddy smiled and instead kissed him on the lips. "You want to go grab us some breakfast as I feed Jordan?"

"Sure," House said. "I'll go see what they have." House left the room to go see what they served there. When he went into the living room, he saw Nicholas and Preston arm wrestling. Nicholas was trying his hardest to get Preston pinned. Preston acted like he wasn't even trying.

"Morning," Preston said. He then quickly pinned Nicholas's hand down.

"Damn it!" Nicholas yelled.

"Dude," Preston said. "It is just a game."

"Let's try it again," Nicholas said.

"No, thanks," Preston said. "You won't be able to beat me."

"Yes, I can," Nicholas said. "I just didn't have a good grip last time."

"Arm wrestle Greg," Preston said.

"He is like old enough to be my dad," Nicholas said. "I can easily beat him."

"Want to bet?" House asked. "Of course, if you are afraid the old man will beat you."

"I know you won't beat me," Nicholas said. "I just didn't want to hurt you or embarrass you."

"I will take the risk," House said. "Let's go." House got into position.

"I will go easy on you," Nicholas said.

"Don't," House said. "Go all in. I'm not scared." Preston decided to referee.

"Ready?" Preston said. "Go!" Nicholas and House used all of their muscles to try to get the other down. House was finally able to pin Nicholas.

"Who is the old man now?" House asked with a smile.

"Son of a bitch!" Nicholas said. "I just must be tired. I didn't sleep very well last night."

"Or it could be that I am stronger than you," House said.

"Shut the fuck up!" Nicholas screamed, jumping up. Preston moved in-between Nicholas and House.

"Calm down," Preston said. "It is just a friendly game."

"It won't be so friendly after I bash his brains in," Nicholas said as he stormed out of the room, leaving Preston and House in shock at the so-called Christian's attitude.


	9. Go All The Way

**Go All The Way**

House grabbed some plates of food the kitchen made for him and then went back upstairs.

"I thought you got lost," Cuddy said.

"I was busy having someone tell me that he was going to bash my brains in," House said. Cuddy looked up from Jordan, who she was putting clothes on.

"Who threatened you?" Cuddy asked.

"You going to kill him?" House asked. "I am already getting turned on."

"I want to know what happened," Cuddy said.

"I beat Nicholas at arm wrestling and he had a nervous breakdown," House said.

"He is mad because you beat him?" Cuddy asked. "Why would he threaten you?"

"I think he is upset he got beat by an old man," House said. "Oh, and that because he is a nut job."

"Should we tell Kayla?" Cuddy asked.

"I think that will just piss him off more," House said.

"I don't like people threatening you," Cuddy said.

"He will calm down," House said. "If not, I will kill him when we are hiking. More places to hide the body."

"That is my baby," Cuddy said. "Always thinking ahead." House and Cuddy sat down and ate. When they were done, Cuddy dropped Jordan off at the daycare and then met up with the rest of the group to start their hiking trip. Cuddy looked over Nicholas when they walked over to the group.

"Hi, Lisa!" Olivia said in a happy voice. "You look so cute in your outfit."

"Thank you," Cuddy said.

"It took me forever to figure out what I was going to wear," Olivia said. "I had to wear these shoes because I couldn't find one of my thongs."

"What?" House asked, finally listening to what Olivia and Cuddy were saying.

"She is talking about flip flops," Cuddy said to House, knowing the dirty thoughts going through his mind.

"Oh," House said. "That makes a little more sense." House smiled at Olivia. Cuddy smacked House's chest.

"Stop thinking about her in 'flip-flops,'" Cuddy said.

"I wasn't," House said. Cuddy gave House a knowing look. "Okay, I was. I'm a guy."

"Just like that since I am a woman, I picture guys without their shirts on," Cuddy said.

"What?" House asked.

"Let's head out," Kayla said, getting everyone to start the hike.

"Sorry," Cuddy said. "Can't talk now." Cuddy headed off with the group. House smiled and followed them.

"My leg hurts," House said when he caught up to Cuddy.

"We haven't even made it on the path," Cuddy said. "Two seconds of walking made the pain start?"

"My leg is smart," House said. "It knows what it is in for."

"You will be fine," Cuddy said. "We can rest if you need to if it starts hurting."

"Everyone, this hike will take about two hours," Kayla said.

"Son of a bitch," Chris said.

"It won't be that bad," Kayla said. "You can all choice to stay in the group or walk ahead or behind if need be. Just stay on the path and keep yourself hydrated." House raised his hand. "Yes, Greg?"

"Will you carry me?" House asked. Everyone laughed.

"No, you can walk," Kayla said. "The only other thing you have to remember is that you have to stay with your partner. This is a good bonding activity for you all."

"You know what that means?" House whispered to Cuddy. "Sex on the path."

"You wish," Cuddy said.

"I do," House said with a big smile.

"Not going to happen," Cuddy said. "I don't need poison ivy in my fun zone." House smiled.

"You said fun zone," House said.

"Grow up," Cuddy said with a laugh.

About an hour later, all the couples had separated. House and Cuddy were in the middle of the pact. Nicholas and Olivia were ahead of everyone because he wanted to finish first. Sweat was dripping down everyone.

"Can we take a break?" House asked Cuddy.

"Sure," Cuddy said. "Does your leg hurt?"

"Not that much," House said as he sat down on a log. "I am just not used to this much exercise. I am going to die of heat stroke."

"You will be fine," Cuddy said. "Just drink some water."

"I think this means we are not going to have sex out here unless you are trying to kill me," House said.

"As long as you can have sex later," Cuddy said with a wink.

"You know I will be able to," House said. He stood up to get to the hike again.

"Oh, crap," Cuddy said.

"What's wrong?" House asked.

"Stand still," Cuddy said.

"Why?" House asked.

"There is a gigantic spider on your back," House said. House froze.

"Get it off, get it off, get it off," House said. Cuddy took her shoe off. "You are going to try to kill it on me?"

"No," Cuddy said. "I am going to try to flick it off."

"Try to?" House asked.

"Shut up," Cuddy said. Cuddy carefully walked over to House and quickly swing her shoe to flick the spider off.

"Ow!" House said. "You nicked my spine."

"At least I got it," Cuddy said. "By the way, you handled that really manly."

"I am sorry if the word 'gigantic' freaked me out a little," House said. House lifted up his shirt. "You don't see a bite or anything, do you?" Cuddy looked at House's back.

"All I see is a sexy back," Cuddy said.

"Stop getting horny," House said as he put his shirt down.

"I can't help it," Cuddy said. "I like seeing you all sweaty."

"Bring back some good memories?" House asked with a smirk.

"Yes," Cuddy said. "When I was in high school, I used to watch the track team run…."

"Shut up," House said. "Stop talking about other men's sexy bodies."

"Yours is the only sexy body I want," Cuddy said giving House a light kiss. "Yours is the only sweaty body I want to touch, too." House out his arm around Cuddy and rested it on her shoulder.

"I hope that is the only arm pit you want to smell, too," House said with a smile as they started on the hike again.


	10. Hangin Around

_I know. I totally suck ass for not updating. I blame the writers of House, Lie To Me, Castle, Bones, And The Mentalist. I had way too much to watch...over and over again._

**Hangin Around**

When House and Cuddy finally made it to the end of the hiking trail, Kayla, Nicholas, and Olivia were already done and waiting for everyone else to finish the hike.

"Greg and Lisa," Kayla said with enthusiasm when she saw them. "Glad to see that you made it."

"Barely," House said. "Cuddy punched me in the spine on the way up here."

"I did not!" Cuddy said. "I flicked a spider off him."

"Flicked…or punched?" House asked.

"You are such a wuss," Cuddy said.

"Kindness, Lisa," Kayla said. "Words can hurt."

"Abuser," House said to Cuddy.

"Can it," Cuddy said.

"Lisa!" Kayla said. "We are really going to have to work on that mouth of yours."

"Why does that sound so dirty to me?" House whispered to Cuddy.

"Because you are a pervert," Cuddy said.

"That could be it," House said.

"When can we eat?" Nicholas asked. "It is going to take the other couples forever to finish. I mean, they let a cripple beat them."

"Nicholas!" Olivia said. "They are called physically disabled."

"Actually, Cuddy calls me her one-legged sex machine," House said.

"How about you stop hitting on my wife in front of me?" Nicholas said.

"Yes, that is how I hit on people," House said. "I bring up sex with my fiancee. It turns chicks on."

"Like I haven't seen you looking over my wife this whole trip," Nicholas said.

"This conversation is officially totally stupid," House said.

"Cool it, you two," Kayla said. "Maybe we should go ahead and start lunch. This picnic is supposed to be about each couple spending some quality time together. Talk with your significant other. Learn about the other person."

"But Cuddy yells at me when I talk with my mouth full," House said.

"Talk in-between bites," Kayla said. "You each have your own packed lunch. Go find a quiet place together." House picked up the picnic basket.

"I stole the picnic basket," House said in a Yogi Bear voice.

"You are so weird," Nicholas said.

"Leave him alone," Cuddy said.

"Have to have your girlfriend stick up for you?" Nicholas asked House.

"Yes," House said proudly. "She can probably beat you in arm wrestling, too."

"I am going to kill you, jackass," Nicholas said.

"Hey!" Kayla said. "No threats. Now go with your wife." House and Cuddy went one way and Nicholas and Olivia went the other way.

"That guy is a wacko," Cuddy said.

"One day he is going to end up on Nancy Grace claiming he didn't kill his wife," House said. "I can already predict that."

"Olivia seems so sweet," Cuddy said. "Why would she stay with him?"

"That questions seems familiar," House said as he placed the picnic basket down on the ground. "Oh, that's right. People are always asking you that about me."

"I am not scared you will punch me," Cuddy said.

"That is because I know that if I ever hit you, you would kick me ass," House said. "You are one scary bitch." House pulled out a sandwich and started eating it.

"Excuse me?" Cuddy asked.

"Scary lady, I meant, of course," House said. "Please don't hit me!" House and Cuddy saw Kayla turn and look at them from a distance.

"Will you stop that?" Cuddy asked. "You are coming off like an angel and she thinks I am an abusive crazy person."

"I know," House said with a smile. "This is going better than I thought."

"Before this is over, she is probably going to have me arrested," Cuddy said.

"Maybe you need to be nicer to me then to avoid jail," House said. "You can start by having sex with me."

"How about I start by not killing you?" Cuddy asked.

"Sex sounds better," House said.

"You know if Kayla was here, she would tell you that sex is not everything," Cuddy said.

"That is because she doesn't get to have sex with you," House said.

"Is that what I am?" Cuddy asked. "A good lay?"

"Amongst other things," House said.

"Like what?" Cuddy asked.

"Never thought you were the kind to fish for a compliment," House said.

"I want to know what you think of me," Cuddy asked.

"I knew that if I went on this trip you would want me to talk about feelings," House said.

"That is kind of the whole point," Cuddy said. "We are supposed to try to make our relationship stronger."

"Our relationship is fine," House said.

"You think it is perfect?" Cuddy asked. "You don't think there is anything we can do to improve it?"

"No relationship is perfect," House said. "All the counseling in the world cannot make it perfect. I'm happy. That's what matters. Are you happy?"

"Yes," Cuddy said. House looked her face over.

"Something's worrying you," House said. "It's what you mentioned earlier, isn't it? You think I will self-destruct and ruin us."

"I would hope by now that you can handle being happy, House," Cuddy said. "I don't know if you actually can."

"You think that during this trip I will learn to not be self-destructive?" House asked. "She isn't a miracle worker, Cuddy."

"She might be able to help," Cuddy said. "You say you are happy and I want it to last. If you decide to make your happiness end, my happiness will also end."

"I don't want to hurt you," House said.

"I know you don't want to," Cuddy said.

"But you think I will," House said.

"You always say I am a worry-wart," Cuddy said. "Look, I didn't mean to upset you and bring this up."

"I'm fine," House said.

"I can tell you are not," Cuddy said. "You didn't finish your sandwich. You always finish your food."

"I think you just called me fat," House said with a smile.

"No," Cuddy said with a smile. "I am saying that I know you." Cuddy rested her head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head.

"You know me enough to know that I will probably hurt you," House said. "Why do you even stay with me?"

"I love you," Cuddy said. "I know you love me. That is all the reason I need."


	11. Live And Let Die

_Yeah to all the people who have found my stories and have read all the way through. Would have posted earlier, but was too busy goofing on Tumblr._

**Live And Let Die**

When lunch was over, everyone headed back to clean up. House and Cuddy went to go check on Jordan.

"How is my little boy doing?" Cuddy said to Jordan as she picked him up.

"I'm doing fine, but I am not really little," House said. Cuddy gave him a look. "Oh, you meant Jordan. That makes a lot more sense." Olivia peeked into the room.

"He is such a little cutie," Olivia said.

"I know I am," House said. Cuddy gave him another look. "One again you guys were talking about Jordan."

"You're not so bad yourself," Olivia said. "Jordan must take after his daddy."

"Whoever that may be," House said. Olivia laughed.

"You two are so funny together," Olivia said.

"Helps us cope with dealing with dying people all the time," House said. "It also helps me cope dealing with Cuddy nagging me all the time."

"I am about to punch you in the face to help me cope with you being a smart ass," Cuddy said.

"Wow," Olivia said. "If I had said that to Nicholas, I would never hear the end of it."

"That is because he is a loose cannon," House said.

"He just gets a little worked up sometimes, but he is a great guy," Olivia said. "Can I hold Jordan?"

"You don't get a little "worked up" sometimes, do you?" House said with a little concern in his voice.

"No," Olivia said with a laugh. "I am completely harmless." Cuddy put Jordan in Olivia's arms.

"Make sure to hold his head," House said watching her carefully.

"And he always tells everyone I am too overprotective," Cuddy said.

"I think it's sweet," Olivia said. "I can't wait to have a little bundle of joy of my own."

"More like a bundle of poop and vomit," House said.

"House!" Cuddy said.

"What?" House said. "I meant that in a loving way."

"Olivia, what are you doing?" Nicholas asked when he looked in the room.

"Holding little Jordan," Olivia said. "Need all the practice I can get."

"Why?" Nicholas asked. "We aren't going to have kids."

"What?" Olivia asked with shock.

"We can't get a good acting career going if we have a brat to raise," Nicholas said.

"So you are saying you want to wait until we are older?" Olivia asked.

"No, I am saying I don't want any at all," Nicholas said.

"From the sound of this conversation, I don't think you will be getting "any"," House said.

"Mind your own business," Nicholas said.

"We were in this room first," House said. "If you want to have this conversation in private, go away."

"Fine," Nicholas said. "Olivia, give her the damn ugly kid back so we can leave."

"Excuse me!" Cuddy said. "You _did not_ just say that."

"You're seriously using that tone with me?" Nicholas asked. "I don't think a Jew can go all ghetto."

"I am about to go all ghetto on your ass if you talk about my son like that again," Cuddy said.

"You might want to learn to control your woman," Nicholas said to House.

"Why?" House said. "This is funny and hot at the same time."

"You two are freaks," Nicholas said.

"Is that a bad thing?" House asked.

"Give her the kid and let's go, Olivia," Nicholas said.

"I am so sorry for how he is acting," Olivia said. "Jordan is beautiful." Olivia handed Jordan to Cuddy.

"He is a baby," Nicholas said. "They all look the same."

"Men," House said. "They are such scumbags. Wait…"

"You are so whipped," Nicholas said.

"Really?" House said. "That is your insult? Is this where I am supposed to start crying because you hurt my feelings?"

"Well, you are a girl, so it wouldn't shock me," Nicholas said.

"Nicholas, let's go," Olivia said.

"You might want to learn to listen to your woman," House said. "One day, someone is going to kick your ass."

"Bring it, old man," Nicholas said.

"I can't murder you here," House said. "That might upset everyone."

"Or is it because you are chicken?" Nicholas asked.

"When did this turn into Back To The Future?" House asked. "You calling me a chicken is not going to make me fight you, Biff."

"Wuss," Nicholas said.

"Maybe it means he is smart," Cuddy said.

"That is what all wusses say," Nicholas said.

"Why don't you just move along?" House said. "Your ugly face is starting to make me want to vomit."

"Maybe that is your son's face doing that," Nicholas said.

"Jordan's ass is better looking than your face will ever be," Cuddy said. House laughed.

"Yeah, that's my girl," House said.

"Come on, Olivia," Nicholas said as he took Olivia by the arm and took her out of the room.

"Should I have fought him?" House asked.

"No," Cuddy said. "You know I don't like you fighting."

"But he is insulted Jordan," House said.

"He is an idiot, House," Cuddy said. "He was just trying to egg us on. I am proud of you for not fighting."

"Are you kidding?" House said. "That guy is a nut job. He would probably kill me."

"See?" Cuddy said. "I was right. You didn't want to fight because you are smart."

"And a little wussy," House said. "Didn't really want to die today."

"I like that you are a little wussy," Cuddy said.

"Um…can you never say that ever again in your life?" House asked.

"No problem," Cuddy said. "Now, I think Jordan needs his diaper changed." Cuddy handed House Jordan.

"Dude," House said. "You seriously need to get your breast milk checked out. I think dead people smell better than that."

"Maybe he has an upset tummy," Cuddy said. "Go get him changed."

"Yes, boss," House said. House and Cuddy headed up to their room.

"I need a nap," Cuddy said. "That hike wore me out."

"Hey, think how the cripple here feels," House said.


	12. Whenever You're Around

_Watch Lie To Me._

**Whenever You're Around**

That night after everyone had enjoyed some free time, Kayla gathered everyone together again to get ready for their next activity. Nicholas gave House an evil eye when he walked into the room.

"Your evil eye is a lot scarier," House said to Cuddy.

"Aw," Cuddy said. "That is so sweet."

"I'm ready to begin," Kayla announced to everyone. "We are ready for our next activity. We are going to practice the art of listening."

"What did you say?" House asked. "I wasn't listening." Everyone laughed.

"You all laugh now, but I am sure you do not find it funny when your significant other says to you that they are not listening," Kayla said. "Bad communication can ruin a relationship."

"I think communication ruins a relationship," House said. "We should just have sex all the time."

"I second that," Preston said.

"You would," Angela said.

"Having a relationship that is just about sex would get old after awhile," Kayla said.

"Says a woman," House said.

"If you ever expect sex again, you better shut up," Cuddy said to House.

"Whipped," Nicholas said.

"We will have none of that, Nicholas," Kayla said. "And Lisa, never use sex as a bargaining tool."

"But it works," Cuddy said.

"It really does," House said is agreement.

"Eventually Greg will resent you for it," Kayla said to Cuddy. "That will lead him to have sex with someone else."

"Not if I want to live," House said.

"This is a good example of why good communication and listening is important," Kayla said. "For your next activity, each couple is going to sit in a closet alone for 10 minutes."

"That sounds retarded," Nicholas said.

"You will be sitting in the dark so that there will be no distractions from you talking and listening with each other," Kayla said.

"Except for the fact that it is not normal to be sitting in a damn closet is kind of a distraction," Nicholas said.

"She said it was going to be a closet, not a damn closet," House said.

"Shut the hell up," Nicholas said.

"Stop fighting, you two," Kayla said. "Greg and Lisa, you go in the closet first."

"Don't most people come _out_ of the closet?" House asked as he and Cuddy got up.

"I will come and get you when your time is up," Kayla said. "Now go have a nice conversation." Kayla lead them to the closet and shut the door when they got in.

"I just had a flashback to my childhood," House said when the door closed and they sat in the dark.

"Your parents made you sit in a closet?" Cuddy asked.

"That way when I was being punished I couldn't play with anything and enjoy myself," House said. "Instead I just had to sit in the dark and sing in my head or when I got older, played with myself."

"That's horrible," Cuddy said.

"I know," House said as he stuck his hand out and squeezed Cuddy's breast.

"House," Cuddy said.

"What?" House asked. "Now I have toys to play with. You can play with mine."

"I don't want to play with your boobs," Cuddy said.

"That's not what I meant," House said.

"I know," Cuddy said. "We are supposed to be talking."

"I can talk and grope at the same time," House said. Cuddy slapped his hand away.

"I know you won't be able to stop at just groping," Cuddy said. "Kayla wants us to be sharing."

"I did share," House said. "I told you about my parents abusing me."

"And that was a good start," Cuddy said as she took House's hand. "That took about 15 seconds. We have ten minutes."

"I think it is your turn to share something then," House said.

"I used to steal money out of my mom's purse all of the time when I was a kid," Cuddy said.

"So you are telling me I am marrying a thief?" House asked.

"I said _used to_," Cuddy said. "I have my own money now. Plus, I have seen you take money out of my purse before so don't act all innocent."

"It was used to buy you things, of course," House said.

"Yeah, right," Cuddy said.

"Hey, once we are married, your money is my money," House said. "I am going to buy a yacht."

"I think Jordan would prefer a college education," Cuddy said.

"No, I think that is what you prefer," House said. "He will probably end up preferring if we bought him a Ferrari."

"He is never getting a death car," Cuddy said.

"Can I get him his own motorcycle?" House asked.

"No," Cuddy said.

"Can he at least have a bicycle?" House asked.

"As long as he stays in the driveway," Cuddy said.

"Does that mean that when he is older he has to have all his dates at our house?" House asked.

"Yes," Cuddy said. "No she-devils are corrupting my baby boy."

"Is that why you think I turned out damaged?" House asked. "A she-devil got to me?"

"I am fairly confident your dad is the one that screwed you up," Cuddy said.

"Who screwed you up?" House asked.

"Did you just call me screwed up?" Cuddy asked.

"Oh, come on," House said. "You think you are perfect?"

"No, but you are supposed to say I am perfect," Cuddy said.

"Fine," House said. "You're perfect. Who made you so wonderful?"

"Smart ass," Cuddy said. "I think the reason I have always been so career driven is because of a mixture of things. My dad was always so happy when he talked about work. My mom wanted my to grow up to be the perfect wife, but she was always complaining about everything. I want for what I thought was the happier choice. I still wasn't happy until I got you, though."

"Vomit," House said. Cuddy slapped him in the chest. "I am glad it makes you happy to beat me."

"It does," Cuddy said. "It kind of turns me on, too."

"Really?" House asked.

"No," Cuddy said.

"Damn," House said. "I was going to tell Kayla that hitting me makes you horny."

"I think she already thinks that," Cuddy said. "I think she sees me as a dominatrix."

"I could totally see you as that," House said. "Actually, I am picturing you like that right now."

"Whips included?" Cuddy asked.

"Oh, yeah," House said. "Wow. Sitting in a closet is a good way to let my imagination run wild."

"You are so weird," Cuddy said laughing.

"I know," House said. "It helps me deal with your weirdness."

"I am going to smack you again," Cuddy said.

"Hit me hard enough to leave a mark," House said. "I want to show Kayla you were beating me in here."


	13. Jealous Guy

_Late Christmas present._

**J****ealous Guy**

"Did you two have a good talk?" Kayla asked House and Cuddy after they got out of the closet.

"Talk?" House asked. "We thought we were supposed to have sex."

"You two did it?" Preston asked.

"No," Cuddy said. "We actually did talk."

"While we did it," House said.

"Greg, why do you always have to be sarcastic?" Kayla asked.

"I'm sarcastic?" House asked sarcastically.

"People who use sarcasm all the time are usually hiding some unresolved feelings," Kayla said. "You might want to try to cut the sarcasm out of your laugh."

"That doesn't sound like fun," House said. "How about I try to cut out eating vegetables instead?"

"Sarcasm once again," Kayla said.

"Very good," House said. "You get a gold star." Kayla sighed.

"Nicholas and Olivia, you two are next," Kayla said.

"Great," Nicholas said as he rolled his eyes and he Olivia headed for the closet.

"Do you mind if I get something to drink?" Cuddy asked Kayla.

"Go right ahead," Kayla said.

"I'm thirsty, too," Preston said as he got up and followed Cuddy into the kitchen. Cuddy went and got a drink of water.

"Your boyfriend sure loves the jokes," Preston said to Cuddy after he entered the kitchen.

"He is sarcastic by nature," Cuddy said.

"You seem a lot more elegant then him," Preston said. Cuddy blushed a little.

"I just know how to act in front of strangers," Cuddy said. "House acts the same in front of everyone."

"You also seem like the type that works out a lot and he, well, doesn't," Preston said.

"His leg makes it hard for him to do much exercise," Cuddy said.

"I would die if I couldn't exercise," Preston said. "It helps me relax and clear my head."

"Me, too," Cuddy said. "After working in a hospital all day, I need to relax. Yoga is great for that."

"I could tell you did yoga," Preston said. "You have very toned arms." Preston lightly squeezed Cuddy's bicep on her left arm. Cuddy noticed that Preston was getting a little too close for comfort.

"House loves my arms," Cuddy said as she backed up against the counter.

"Too bad you can't say you love his arms," Preston said. "I could probably show him a thing or two about exercising." Preston flexed his biceps for Cuddy.

"I already love his arms," Cuddy said. "Nice and manly."

"But his arms don't look like this," Preston said, still trying to show Cuddy his arms.

"I don't want those arms," Cuddy said.

"Maybe because you have never been held with arms like these," Preston said. "These arms can protect you."

"I don't need protection," Cuddy said. "Except maybe from you."

"I am just trying to have a friendly conversation," Preston said.

"No, you are hitting on me," Cuddy said. "You are doing it with your girlfriend in the other room."

"Come on," Preston said. "I have seen the way you have been looking at me. I know you want me."

"I wouldn't want you, if you were the last guy on earth," Cuddy said. "This may come to a shock to you, but I love my fiancée. In my world, when you love someone, you don't cheat on them."

"You actually love him?" Preston asked. "I thought you were just with him for some make-a-wish-for-a-cripple foundation."

"Don't call him a cripple," Cuddy said.

"That is what he is," Preston said. "Wouldn't you rather be with a real man?" Preston ran his hand through Cuddy's hair.

"Get your fucking hands off her," House said. Preston and Cuddy turned to look at House standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"We are just talking," Preston said.

"About how I am not a real man," House said. "Yeah, I heard that. I just thought maybe you could have this conversation without touching her. Only I get to touch her hair."

"You should be happy," Preston said.

"Happy?" House asked confused. "Why would you hitting on her make me happy?"

"Because she turned me down," Preston said. "I was trying to be a good friend. She passed the test. She loves you."

"You lying ass," House said.

"I do love you," Cuddy said.

"Not that," House said. "He is lying that he was hitting on you to try to protect me. Your girlfriend is right. You are a man-whore."

"I don't know what you are talking about," Preston said. "Nothing happened in here. You two are just making everything up because you have nothing better to do." Preston walked out of the kitchen to head back to the group.

"The nerve of that guy," Cuddy said.

"He hurt you or anything?" House asked.

"No," Cuddy said. "I could handle him." Cuddy saw a weird look on House's face. "You okay?"

"Yeah," House said. "Just don't really like seeing young, hot guys hit on you."

"Do I need to worry that you can recognize hot guys?" Cuddy asked with a smile to try to lighten the mood.

"Maybe a little," House said. Cuddy walked over to House and wrapped her arms around him.

"I guess it shouldn't shock me that you can recognize hot guys," Cuddy said. "You have been staring at one in the mirror for years."

"Me thinking I am good-looking and women thinking I am good-looking are two completely different things," House said.

"I think you are super sexy," Cuddy said, giving House a kiss on the lips. "And so do all the women I have to kill to keep them away from you."

"You know how I know that you don't really kill off women?" House asked.

"Because you know I am too sweet to murder anyone?" Cuddy said.

"No, not that," House said. "We all know you will end up killing me. It's because Cameron is still alive. You would have killed her first."

"I am slowly poisoning her," Cuddy said. "I wanted her to suffer."

"And there is the sweet chick I love," House said, kissing Cuddy.

"We better head back before Kayla yells at us," Cuddy said. House and Cuddy made their way back to the group.

"Sorry we took so long," House said. "I had to try to help Cuddy get over the trauma of Preston hitting on her."

"What?" Angela yelled.

"He's lying!" Preston said. "He is just trying to start trouble like always."

"I am sure he is just being a trouble maker and it really wasn't that you couldn't keep it in your pants when a hot lady is in your vicinity," Angela said. "Jackass."


	14. Please Hurt Me

_Finally got around to writing a new chapter._

**Please Hurt Me**

After the group was done meeting, Preston took House aside.

"Why the hell did you tell Angela?" Preston asked him.

"It was the truth," House said.

"Like you never lie," Preston said.

"I had no reason to lie to her," House said. "She was not going to be mad at me for it."

"You are supposed to stick up for the bros, man," Preston said.

"You were hitting on my girlfriend!" House said.

"It's a compliment," Preston said. "Your girlfriend is hot."

"You do realize that she is never going to sleep with you, right?" House asked.

"You never know," Preston said.

"I do know," House said.

"Lisa says you are a self-destroyer," Preston said. "When you end up hurting her, she might run to me."

"I won't hurt her," House said.

"But won't you?" Preston said with a smug look on his face. "Deep down inside you know you will."

"Get bent," House said, walking away from him and up to his room. Cuddy was already sitting in there with Jordan.

"Why were you talking to Preston?" Cuddy asked.

"He wanted to see if we could trade girlfriends," House said.

"Well, since you came up to our room, I assume you told him no," Cuddy said.

"Don't worry," House said. "I did. Then he so nicely pointed out that he will just take you once I screw our relationship up."

"He's an idiot," Cuddy said. "When that happens, he is the last person I would want."

"_When_ that happens?" House said.

"That is not what I meant," Cuddy said. "It's not going to happen."

"But you think it will," House said. "Thanks for the faith in me."

"I have faith in you," Cuddy said.

"It's okay, Cuddy," House said. "I understand."

"I love you, House," Cuddy said.

"I know you do," House said. "I love you, too. That doesn't mean you don't trust me and that also doesn't mean I won't hurt you. It's going to happen. It's better that you are mentally prepared."

"Now you are resigning to the fact that it will happen?" Cuddy asked. "You can't do that House. You can't just give up."

"Why?" House asked. "Everyone else seems to know it's true."

"I can't believe you are letting Preston get to you," Cuddy said. "He was just being a jerk."

"I don't want to hurt you," House said. "I'm an idiot."

"It's okay," Cuddy said. "Sometimes people can get under our skin and work us up."

"I'm not an idiot for listening to people," House said. "I am an idiot for thinking that I can have a real relationship."

"What do you mean?" Cuddy asked. "You have been doing a great job. We've been so happy."

"Nothing lasts forever," House said.

"What are you trying to say, House?" Cuddy asked. "You're not happy?"

"It is not fair to you to be in a relationship with a guy like me," House said.

"Are you trying to say that you are sorry for even going out with me?" Cuddy asked with tears in her eyes. "If that is what you are saying, just say it."

"I'm sorry," House said.

"Wow," Cuddy said.

"That's not what I meant," House said. "I meant I am sorry I am hurting you."

"You giving up on yourself and us is what is hurting me," Cuddy said. "Maybe I am the idiot. I thought you gave a damn about me. I thought that you wanted to be there for me and Jordan. I thought that you wanted to grow old with me. I thought you were actually happy. I'm a fool." Cuddy took off her engagement ring and handed it to House. "Here."

"What are you doing?" House asked.

"I don't want it if you don't mean it," Cuddy said. "When you gave me that, I thought that was your way of saying you wanted to be with me forever. That is what that ring is supposed to represent. If you think we are going to end up breaking up, it is pointless."

"You're calling the wedding off?" House asked in shock.

"Yeah," Cuddy said. "Congratulations. You have succeeded with your self-destructive ways." Cuddy went in the bathroom and slammed the door. The noise made Jordan start to cry. House went over to him and picked him up.

"It's okay," House said as he rocked him. House looked down at his hand at Cuddy's engagement ring. House couldn't stop the tears from forming in his eyes. "She's right, Jordan. I ruined everything. What's wrong with me?"

Cuddy came out of the bathroom after a few minutes when Jordan hadn't stopped crying. "Is he okay?" She asked House.

"I think he is just upset," House said.

"Let me try," Cuddy said. House put Jordan in her arms.

"Did mama scare you?" Cuddy said to Jordan as she rocked him. "I'm sorry." Cuddy looked at House. He was sitting on the bed rubbing his leg. "You okay?"

"No," House said. Cuddy sat down next to House on the bed. House rubbed the top of Jordan's head. Jordan then finally stopped crying. "Please don't take him away from me," House said in a soft voice.

"I would never," Cuddy said. "No matter what happens between us, he is still your son. He needs you."

"Thank you," House said. "I…think I'm going to go take a bath. My leg is killing me." Cuddy watched House slowly get up and go in the bathroom, but not before grabbing his bottle of Vicodin.

"House…," Cuddy started.

"Yeah?" House asked.

"Don't overdo it," Cuddy said.

"I won't," House said as he closed the bathroom door. He stood in front of the sink looking at the bottle. He popped it open and poured out some pills. He then thought about what Cuddy had said. He put the rest of the pills back in the bottle and took just one.


	15. Never Surrender

_New chapter. Leave a review because tomorrow is my birthday._

**Never Surrender**

March 24

8:00am

The rest of the night before had been spent in silence. Cuddy could tell that House's leg was still really hurting after his bath. She hoped that meant that he had not taken a bunch of pain pills, but she was afraid to ask him. She didn't want him to get even more upset if she acted like she didn't trust him. That night when they had laid together in bed in silence, all Cuddy could think about was how she regretted giving House back his ring. She had been upset and acted without thinking. She was now worried that he would never want to marry her. She knew she might have ruined her chance.

House lay there not knowing what to do. He wanted to apologize to Cuddy, but he didn't know if she would ever want to be with him.

The next morning, Cuddy woke up and fed Jordan and then headed downstairs to see what was for breakfast. House stayed upstairs to give Jordan a quick bath.

When Cuddy got downstairs, Angela was the only one there. "I see the women are the only ones that can get up early," Angela said to Cuddy.

"Greg is up, too," Cuddy said. "He is bathing Jordan."

"He's a great catch," Angela said.

"He sure is," Cuddy said. Angela noticed that Cuddy was no longer wearing her engagement ring.

"Where is your ring?" Angela asked her. "That thing is gorgeous. I would never talk it off."

"Oh, um…I took it off when I changed Jordan and must have forgotten to put it back on," Cuddy said. Angela could tell Cuddy was acting weird.

"I understand," Angela said. "Wouldn't want it to get all poopy."

"I think I am going to go for a quick walk," Cuddy said as she headed out the back door to get away from Angela. About 10 minutes later, House came downstairs.

"Good morning," Angela said to House.

"Have you seen Cuddy?" House asked her.

"Went for a walk," Angela said. "Sit down. Let's talk." House slowly sat down.

"About what?" House asked suspiciously.

"I talked to Preston last night," Angela said.

"By talk, do you mean punch him in the nuts?" House asked.

"No," Angela said. "He told me that Lisa was the only that hit on him first. He just couldn't control himself and said some inappropriate things to her."

"That is a lie," House said. "She wanted nothing to do with him."

"Are you sure about that?" Angela asked. "She isn't wearing her wedding ring. She is letting guys think that she is available."

"That isn't true," House said.

"It is to true," Angela said. "She isn't wearing it."

"But that isn't why," House said. "She took a shower and just didn't put it on."

"That is not what she said," Angela said. "She said she changed Justin's diaper and forgot to put it back on."

"Well, she did that, too," House said. "And his name is Jordan."

"You don't have to defend her," Angela said. "Believe me. I know what it feels like to be with a cheater. I understand, Greg." Angela took House's hand.

"What are you doing?" House asked.

"Talking," Angela said.

"You are kind of in my comfort zone," House said.

"I want to get to know you," Angela said.

"Back off, slut," Cuddy said when she walked back in the house.

"Talking to yourself?" Angela said. "Preston told me how you were all over him."

"He is lying," Cuddy said. "That is what he does. He isn't very good at it either."

"I think you are the one that is lying, bitch," Angela said.

"Don't call her that," House said.

"Don't defend her, Greg," Angela said. "You just told me you thought she was one."

"I did not!" House said to Cuddy. "She's lying."

"Apparently, she is as bad of a liar as her stupid boyfriend," Cuddy said.

"And you are little miss innocent," Angela said.

"What the hell is wrong with you and Preston?" Cuddy asked. "Does your relationship suck so much you have to try to mess with others. I am sick and tired of it! First, I have to deal with your perverted boyfriend. Then he runs off and tries to start trouble with me and House to get even for House telling you about him being a perv. Now I have to deal with you lying to House to try to cause even more problems. What is next? Are you going to kidnap my son? You going to claim that Jordan isn't House's? Or are you just going to keep going around doing bitchy things?" House and Angela just looked at Cuddy in shock. House could see the anger in Cuddy's eyes.

"You are a lunatic," Angela finally said. "I am going to go tell Kayla."

"What is this?" Cuddy asked. "First grade?"

"She needs to know a nutcase is on the loose," Angela said as she left the kitchen.

House looked over at Cuddy. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"I feel like I am in high school," Cuddy said. "This is all so stupid."

"I know that you didn't hit on Preston first," House said.

"Thank you for believing me," Cuddy said.

"You really think she is going to tell Kayla?" House asked.

"Yes," Cuddy said. "In her mind, she believes what she is saying. She has convinced herself so that she can forgive Preston."

"I will tell her my side of the story," House said. "I witnessed the whole thing."

"She probably won't believe you," Cuddy said. "She will just think that I told you to say that." House and Cuddy looked up when the kitchen door opened and Kayla walked in.

"Lisa," Kayla said softly. "I would like to speak to you in my office."

"She didn't do anything wrong," House said. "Angela started it all. Cuddy was just defending herself and defending me."

"I just want to talk," Kayla said. "Please come with me, Lisa." Cuddy sighed and followed Kayla. A few minutes later, Angela came back in the kitchen.

"Kayla will straighten her out," Angela said.

"You are demented," House said.

"I was trying to help you," Angela said.

"By being an ass?" House asked. "Well, good job. You succeeded. Now you can go rot in hell."


	16. Mad World

_Watching The Softer Side and writing fanfiction is fun._

**Mad World**

Cuddy followed Kayla to her office. Kayla sat down and looked at Cuddy.

"Do you know what I called you in here?" Kayla asked.

"Because Angela lied to you," Cuddy said.

"Tell me what you think happened," Kayla said.

"Angela was hitting on House and telling lies about what happened last night between me and Preston and it made me mad," Cuddy said.

"She says that you hit on Preston last night and Greg hit on her today," Kayla said.

"And that is a lie," Cuddy said. "Preston hit on me."

"I believe you," Kayla said. "Preston has a problem with being faithful. Angela is just trying to rationalize it in her mind so that she can stay with him without feeling like a total fool. If she admits to herself that he would hit on you here, a place where they are supposed to be getting help, she knows he will never be faithful to her."

"I am glad I am not the only one that sees that," Cuddy said.

"I think you are doing the same thing maybe with Greg," Kayla said.

"What do you mean?" Cuddy asked confused.

"Maybe Greg really was hitting on Angela," Kayla said.

"No way," Cuddy said. "He is not interested in her."

"Maybe not normally, but if you two are fighting, he might," Kayla said.

"We are not fighting," Cuddy said.

"Where is your engagement ring?" Kayla said.

"I took it off to change Jordan this morning," Cuddy said. "Why does everyone care if I wear it 24 hours a day?"

"Because with a lot of women you have to basically pry it off their hand to get them to take it off," Kayla said.

"Not wearing it doesn't mean I don't love House," Cuddy said.

"I agree," Kayla said. "But it might mean you two are fighting."

"We are fine," Cuddy said.

"I can't help you two if you lie to me," Kayla said.

"I am not lying," Cuddy said.

"So if I talked to Greg, he would tell me you two are not fighting?" Kayla asked.

"Yes," Cuddy said.

"Is that because it is true or because you told him not to say anything?" Kayla asked.

"No one can tell Gregory House not to say something," Cuddy said. "He would go screaming it around town."

"I think he would listen to you if you told him not to," Kayla said. "He loves you. I think he puts up with you bossing him around so you will stay with him."

"You are kidding me, right?" Cuddy said. "You are making House out to be some sort of victim."

"In a way, I think he is," Kayla said. "If Greg talked to you the way you talk to him, everyone would say he is abusing you. Just because you are a girl, that doesn't give you the right to bully him."

"I'm not bullying him!" Cuddy said.

"I don't think you even realize it," Kayla said. "You yell at him all the time. This is going to ruin your relationship with him. He is going to end up resenting you and leaving you."

"House would tell me if it was upsetting him," Cuddy said.

"You sure about that?" Kayla asked. "It seems to me like he is holding it in and taking it out on himself. He looks down on himself as a person."

"He has always been that way," Cuddy said.

"And you think you are helping him by yelling at him all the time?" Kayla asked.

"House and I….bicker," Cuddy said. "We have always done that."

"And that turns you on?" Kayla asked.

"No!" Cuddy said. "It is not foreplay. We just like expressing our opinions to each other."

"Do you two ever have sex after fighting?" Kayla asked.

"That is kind of a personal question," Cuddy said.

"You are in counseling," Kayla said. "I am supposed to ask personal questions."

"We have make-up sex sometimes," Cuddy said. "I am pretty sure that is normal."

"It is normal," Kayla said. "It isn't normal if that is the only way you enjoy sex."

"That is not the only time I enjoy having sex," Cuddy said. "I love having sex with House. Not being able to be with him since Jordan was born has been horrible."

"So you are sexually frustrated," Kayla said.

"I guess you can say that," Cuddy said.

"Maybe you are taking it out on House?" Kayla asked.

"No," Cuddy said. "It has been hard on him, too."

"Lisa, I think you need to try to go without yelling at Greg for a little while," Kayla said. "It will make him happier."

"He will probably think I am dying," Cuddy said.

"He will know you are trying," Kayla said. "If you don't try, you are going to loose him." Cuddy nodded. "About the whole Angela problem, just ignore her. Once again, yelling it not going to help in this situation. She knows that she can get under your nerves by messing with Greg. I am going to talk to her too about all of this. I will have her keep her distance from you two."

"Thank you," Cuddy said. "Can I go?"

"Yes, you can," Kayla said. Cuddy left Kayla's office and headed back to her and House's room. House was laying on the bed.

"You get detention?" House asked.

"Stern warning," Cuddy said. "Apparently, I am an ass."

"You sure she wasn't talking about me?" House asked.

"I am sure," Cuddy said. "She thinks I abuse you and you are a victim."

"I officially believe that she is a crack-pot," House said. "She sucks at her job."

"She's right, House," Cuddy said. "I am not the nicest to you."

"You have the perfect balance of nicest and aggressiveness towards me," House said. "I am glad you are not sickly sweet."

"You're glad that I am a bitch?" Cuddy asked.

"You are not one," House said.

"You can say it," Cuddy said. "It's fine. I'm a bitch. I guess it's good that I now know it, too." Cuddy went into the bathroom. House stood next to the bathroom door and tried talking to her.

"You are wrong, Cuddy," House said. "You are great. I get that our relationship is complicated. They don't understand us. That is why I hate counseling. She doesn't know us. We know the truth and that is all that matters."

"Just give me some space, House," Cuddy said.

"Okay," House said. "I am going to go check on Jordan." House left the room. He hated not knowing what to say to make Cuddy feel better.


	17. Fix You

_A new chapter? Amazing, I know._

**Fix You**

House went and checked on Jordan. Being with him always helped him calm down. Kayla walked into the room.

"I spoke with Lisa," Kayla said.

"I know," House said. "You made her feel like a bad person."

"That wasn't my intention," Kayla said. "I just wanted her to stop yelling at you all of the time."

"I don't mind her doing that," House said defensively. "Cuddy always tries to handle ways the best way possible. She knows I won't listen if she doesn't yell. You don't understand all the crap she has to put up with in her life."

"You are making excuses for her, Greg," Kayla said.

"No, I'm not," House said, raising his voice a little. "She has so much to deal with. She runs a hospital. You know how much stress that causes her? Then you have to add in the fact that I am a jerk and she has to deal with my day in and day out." House's eyes started tearing up a little. "She also has to deal with her mom, who treats her like crap for no reason. Plus, you don't even know all the stress she had trying to get pregnant with Jordan. She was so hard on herself like it was her fault she couldn't get pregnant. If you could have only seen the joy in her eyes when she found out." House looked down at Jordan.

"He will always connect you two together," Kayla said.

"I don't want it to be like that," House said. "I don't want Jordan to be holding us together. I want us to be together because we want to be together."

"You obviously have strong feelings for her," Kayla said.

"I love her," House said.

"You said that you are a jerk and that adds to her stress," Kayla said. "Have you ever thought about changing how you act to help her reduce her stress?"

"I want to change," House said. "I don't know how. I try, but then I always end up being the same jerk."

"You need to open up to her about this," Kayla said. "She can help you, Greg. She can help you change. You have to be willing to let her help you. You can't take it out on her and you have to realize it won't be an easy process."

"I have tried to be open with her," House said. "It's hard for me. I end up being a bigger jerk and hurting her. I'm just weird. There is something seriously wrong with me. I don't know how to be normal."

"There is no such thing as normal," Kayla said. "There is no ideal."

"I just want to be able to have a normal relationship," House said. "I just want to be able to be happy without worrying all the time."

"That is your problem right there," Kayla said. "You are always going to have worry in your life. Worrying about a relationship is normal. You love her. When you love somebody, you worry you might get hurt or they might get hurt. You can't let it make you afraid of being happy. You can't let it end a good thing."

"I already did that," House said. "I screwed it up."

"She loves you," Kayla said. "Everything is fixable. You just have to put in the effort to fix it."

"I hope you are right," House said.

"There is only one way to tell," Kayla said. "You have to try."

"Can't you just tell her not to be mad at me anymore?" House asked.

"I wish that is how counseling worked, but unfortunately it's not," Kayla said.

"That is probably a good thing," House said. "Who knows what you would make me do?"

"I would give you some self-confidence," Kayla said.

"I have the biggest ego in the world," House said. "I don't think I have a problem with that."

"Yes, you do," Kayla said. "You are confident in your doctoring abilities, but you don't have confidence in yourself as a person. If you had as much faith in yourself when it comes to relationships as you do in being a doctor, you and Lisa would have no problems. When it comes to being a doctor, you have accepted that people die. It is like you haven't accepted that being in a relationship with someone might lead to some fights."

"I don't want to fight with her," House said.

"It is going to happen," Kayla said. "I deal with so many different kinds of people and the one thing they have in common is fights. A lot of the time, it is over stupid things like someone hogging the remote."

"Cuddy and I aren't that bad," House said.

"I know," Kayla said. "That is why I have faith that you two can work this out. We have a team exercise in about 30 minutes. I want you to go straight upstairs and talk to her so you can make up before it starts."

"When did you become my mother?" House asked.

"The second you and Lisa came here," Kayla said. "You said that Lisa has to yell at you to get you to listen so that is what I am going to do. Get upstairs and go talk to your woman."

House looked down at Jordan. "I think your mom has been giving her lessons," House said. Kayla smiled.

"If this is how I will get you to listen and learn, I will do it this way," Kayla said. "If there are other ways she gets you to listen, I am pretty sure with you two I don't want to know the details." House smiled.

"You don't like sex stories?" House asked.

"Just go," Kayla said with a small laugh.

"I made her blush a little Jordan," House said as he went and put Jordan back down in a crib. "Obviously this place is not about sex therapy."

"I have a strange feeling that you and Lisa could teach that class," Kayla said.

"We could," House said. "We would even give demonstrations." Kayla just shook her head.

"Go make up with Lisa," Kayla said. "I need to go get everything ready for the next event."

"Thanks for the talk," House said. "I am sure something from this conversation might have sunk in."

"More than you probably even realize," Kayla said. Kayla headed off to go get some work done.

House slowly made his way back to his and Cuddy's room. Cuddy was still in the bathroom when he came back in. He sat down on the bed to wait for her to come out. He wanted to make sure he gave her the space she needed at the moment. He sat there for about 10 minutes before she came out of the bathroom.

"I didn't hear you come back up," Cuddy said.

"I didn't want to bother you," House said. When House looked up at Cuddy, she noticed his eyes were red. She could tell that he had been crying.

"Are you alright?" Cuddy asked. "Is Jordan okay?"

"He's fine," House said. Cuddy sat down next to House.

"Then what is it?" Cuddy asked.

"Can we talk?" House asked.


	18. You Don't Realize How Much I Need You

_This chapter is for WritersNeverDie __because I want to see them get ecstatic. It is also for 14ulsse to hope she stops hating me for ending that last chapter with a cliffhanger._

**You Don't Realize How Much I Need You**

"Sure," Cuddy said. "We can talk about whatever you would like."

"I'm stupid," House said.

"What?" Cuddy asked confused.

"I'm an idiot," House said. "I can figure out what is medically wrong with someone based on a discolored fingernail, but I can't figure out how to have a normal relationship with people."

"You're trying," Cuddy said. "That is all that matters."

"I can do better," House said. "I don't try hard enough, especially with you. I hurt you. I don't mean to ever hurt you."

"I know you don't," Cuddy said.

"I talked to Kayla," House said. "I told her things are my fault, not yours."

"We are both at blame," Cuddy said. "I shouldn't yell at you all the time when some things aren't really your fault. Yelling doesn't help you."

"Yes, it does," House said. "I like when you stand up to me. Most people are afraid to do that. If you just let me do whatever I want, we would be totally screwed. I would have no will to change and I would try to do more and more and see if you let me get away with it."

"It's abusive how I treat you, House," Cuddy said.

"No, it isn't," House said.

"There are better ways of dealing with our problems than me just yelling at you," Cuddy said.

"Maybe there are better ways with other people, but not with me," House said. "I am giving you permission to yell at me. It makes me try to be better."

"I don't want my yelling to cause a strain in our relationship," Cuddy said.

"It doesn't," House said. "Cuddy, there is very few times that you yell at me that it actually pisses me off. I know you yell at me a lot of times because I did something stupid. You shouldn't have to yell at me for stupid things I do. I'm a grown man. I know better. I am just used to people always fixing my problems. I need to try to learn to help myself and not depend on you all of the time. You shouldn't have to worry about fixing my mistakes all of the time."

"We are partners," Cuddy said. "I don't mind helping you."

"I have to learn to stand on my own two feet, Cuddy," House said. "I need to stop relying on others all of the time. You and Wilson have been taking care of me for years."

"We care about you," Cuddy said. "We wouldn't keep helping you if we didn't."

"I know you guys do," House said. "I just have to learn how to take care of myself."

"What does that mean for us?" Cuddy asked.

"What do you mean?" House asked.

"Are you saying you need space?" Cuddy asked trying to not to cry. "You need some time away from me to find yourself?"

"That's not what I'm saying," House said. "Please don't cry, Cuddy. The last thing I want is to be away from you. I want to change. Being away from you is not going to help that. That would just make it 100 times worse and Wilson and you would have to fix some massive mess I would probably end up putting myself in."

"Then what do you need?" Cuddy asked.

"When I screw up, make me fix it myself," House said. "If you end up having to fix something I messed up on, make my life a living hell to teach me a listen. Make it so I won't do it again."

"You are the only guy in the world who tells there girlfriend to yell at him and make him pay," Cuddy said.

"I started this conversation off with that I am stupid, so you shouldn't be that shocked," House said. "I don't want you to have to worry about me all the time. I should be taking care of you."

"Just because I am a girl doesn't mean I need a man to take care of me," Cuddy said.

"It is not because you are a girl," House said. "You are the mother of my child. You are the woman I love. I just want to protect you. Plus, you're not really a girl. You are more like a she-devil." Cuddy let out a little laugh.

"You are always so romantic," Cuddy said.

"That might also be something I need to work on," House said. He wrapped his right arm around Cuddy and pulled her against him. She rested her head on his shoulder. "Everything is going to be okay. Kayla told me. I am sure she is never wrong."

"Should I worry about your sudden love for our counselor?" Cuddy asked with a smile.

"She drugged me," House said. "After I am a done expressing my feelings to you, I have to go wash her car."

"She is using you to wash her car?" Cuddy asked. "She must not realize how good you are at sex."

"I tried to tell her," House said.

"You were trying to get sex from her?" Cuddy asked.

"I do admit that came out wrong," House said. "I swear that all my clothes stayed on when I was talking to her. Hers might have come off for a brief moment." Cuddy looked up at House. "Then I vomited and she put them back on!"

"Well, no one can have as good of a body as mine," Cuddy said.

"You spoiled me," House said as he leaned down and gave Cuddy a gentle kiss on her lips.

"You spoil me with things, too," Cuddy said. She gave him another kiss, this time applying a little more force. They then heard a knock at the door.

"Go the hell away!" House yelled. Cuddy laughed.

"I really don't want to know what I am interrupting, but Greg, you have a phone call," Kayla said.

"Tell them I am dead," House said.

"When you go back home alive, that might realize I lied," Kayla said.

"They don't know you so they really won't care," House said.

"It's the hospital," Cuddy said. "You need to take it."

"Oh, crap," House mumbled to himself. "Bad time for me to want to be responsible." Cuddy pinched House's arm. "Ow!"

"That was my way of yelling at you," Cuddy said with a smirk. "Go answer the phone."

"You are enjoying this way too much," House said as he got up and opened the door.

"Feeling better?" Kayla asked with a smile when House opened the door.

"I would have felt even better if you hadn't come knocking," House said. He headed to the phone to answer it. Kayla peeked in at Cuddy.

"Everything okay?" Kayla asked.

"Everything's fine," Cuddy said.

"'Fine' fine or 'shut up and don't talk to me' fine?" Kayla asked.

"A little bit in-between the two," Cuddy said.

"I can take a hint," Kayla said. "You better be wearing your engagement ring before you leave this place, though."

"Or else what?" Cuddy asked.

"I will have to haunt you and Greg until the wedding is back on," Kayla said.


End file.
